The protagonist of Nightbitch is a young mother of a toddler, a two-year-old boy, who gave up her career as an artist to be a stay-at-home parent. Her husband has a demanding job, one that takes him out of town from Monday to Friday. This is a set-up that makes sense in many ways – paying for daycare for the child would cost more than the mother could make as an artist – but it is also one that is steadily draining her of her energy and, maybe, her sanity. She is becoming increasingly convinced that she might be turning into a dog. And would it be so bad if she did?
This book was recommended to me by two friends, both of whom I share a good deal of reading taste, and who are also both mothers. Yet I still didn’t expect one of the best portrayals of motherhood to be found in a book about a woman (maybe) turning into a dog.
Reading Nightbitch brought me screaming back to those days of early motherhood. When you spend your whole day with another person but might never speak to an adult. When something as simple as taking a shower is a major accomplishment. When you love this little person so wholeheartedly, so fiercely, and yet you feel like if you don’t get away from them for at least an hour you will lose your mind.
I’m a few years past those early and very intense days of parenting but Yoder brings them to life so vividly. She really captures both the beauty of it and the stifling, exhaustion. For me, the weirdness of is she or isn’t she becoming a dog was secondary to this depiction of motherhood. At the same time, that weirdness was so well prepared. Yoder walks the line very skilfully so that we’re never quite sure what is happening in the real world outside of the mother’s mind, and yet that never becomes a frustration as you’re reading. Partway through, there is a shift in both the mother and the narration and the tension and action ramp up in a very satisfying way.
I can’t say how this book might be read by those who aren’t parents and it isn’t a book I would be including in a baby shower gift. But it is one I might hand off to a good friend on their child’s second birthday.
Karissa Reads Books 
It’s a long time since I felt that way about parenthood (although each age comes with its own challenges), but once experienced, never forgotten. Your point about not giving this book to a mother-to-be made me smile.
I feel fairly well out of this stage but not so far, since reading this book brought so much of that time roaring back to mind.
Hahahaha, I love that you basically have a benchmark for when this book would be appropriate for new parents. I was of the impression that this is a horror novel. At the very least, the horror community has definitely made the rounds with it. Did you or your two reader friends find anything like horror within the pages? Also, don’t be afraid to recommend books about parenthood to non-parents. We want to be empathetic to what’s going on with all the parents out there, and we can’t do it without stories, especially when it comes to the really hard stuff that parents don’t want to share for fear of sounding like they need to have their child removed from their care.
I didn’t read it as horror or find it particularly scary. I could see it being a bit of body horror as you’re wondering about what is the truth about these physical changes that she’s experiencing. But to me that paralleled the crazy changes your body goes through when you grow and birth a human. I have and would recommend this to readers who aren’t parents but I’m curious as to how the story would hit, even for someone who is a dad versus a mom. I love what you said about parents being afraid to share the hard stuff and I think that’s really a part of this story. She’s scared to tell anyone what she really feels and the book really nails that feeling of, I love my kid so much but if this toddler doesn’t stop touching me I’m going to snap. So many people will tell you how much you’ll miss the baby stage when it’s over while disregarding how scary and hard and downright unpleasant it can be. And that those feelings don’t detract from your moments of genuine enjoyment.
I went to a writing retreat with a woman who wanted three kids. Two were toddlers and she was pregnant…and had twins. So then she had four kids under age 5, and eventually she felt like they were crawling on her so much, sucking her dry (literally because she was breastfeeding two babies) that she eventually had to go to an institution. I remember her story so well because she was brave enough to share it.
That both sounds wild and very, very understandable. I didn’t understand what it meant to be “touched out” until I had a newborn and a two-year-old. Looking back, there are nearly five years of my life that I spent trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, or breastfeeding. Five years of my life where my main focus was on sustaining someone else’s life. And I only have two children! I love being a mom but the honest answer when people ask if I ever wanted more kids is that I chose to prioritize my mental health for the kids I already have and, for me, that needed to mean pregnancy was off the table.
And the more kids a family has, the less care and attention goes to each. Some families get this mentality that the kids will take care of each other. Hooboy.
Oh man, the older my kids get, the stronger my feelings are about this! I don’t plan on ever putting Pearl in a position of responsibility over Rose because 1) that’s not the dynamic I want between them and 2) that’s not her job because she’s not the parent. Also, it’s hard enough making sure I spend quality one-on-one time with two kids. I don’t know how people do it with a big family. Or maybe they just don’t but I know I would miss out on getting to know my kids in that way.
My niece needs physical therapy. I asked why she’s not doing it. She said, “I don’t have time for that.” I reminded her that she’s 15 and wants to continue playing sports, so maybe she could make some time. Then she replied, “Well, MOMMY says I don’t have time for that.” They have four kids….
The activities and appointments alone for kids are super time consuming! Getting 2 kids to a couple of activities a week can feel like a lot and then you add on basics like haircuts and eye doctors and then there’s more as they get older. One kid needs to see an orthodontist now while the other has started physio to try and combat an issue. But it also sucks when parents don’t prioritize stuff that will really make a difference for their kids down the road. One of our needs to see an orthodontist every six months right now and it’s a pain because I inevitably end up taking time off work and driving to the next town over for an appointment that lasts 10 minutes. But I also recognize that dealing with certain issues now is going to make life easier for them when they’re older. Kids can’t really take ownership of those things.
This is the book that was turned into a movie with Amy Adams right? I’m like you, I could never imagine having more than two kids, it was hard enough having them three years apart! What a crazy, strange time that was, those first few years. Quite honestly, I’m so glad I’m past that stage, this one is much easier!
Yes, that’s the one! I have trouble imagining it as a movie because part of what makes it so interesting on the page is that you’re never sure how much of it is true and how much is in the mother’s mind.
I love the current stage we’re in, where our kids are little enough to cuddle and enjoy kid things but old enough to have a bit of independence and not need me every second of the day. I often say that reaching the point where I’m not involved in anyone’s toileting has been amazing! I can’t imagine having had a third when my kids were little and then once we were out of that stage, I really wouldn’t want to go back to diapers and nursing.
I feel the same way, this is such a fun stage. They can wipe their own buts, brush their own teeth, but they still want to hang out with us!
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