A friend pushed this book into my hands, telling me that she had devoured it over one weekend. She’d found so much to relate to within its pages, she told me, even as she reassured me that her husband is great. It was a statement worth making because the husband on these pages is pretty awful. Jane and John marry after a somewhat whirlwind romance. They are both artists, both somewhat successful in their fields, and they fall in love quickly and intensely. Before they are even married though, there are signs that John will not be an equal partner in this relationship. And in spite of Jane’s reluctance to become a wife to anyone, she seems to ignore the heavy red flags John’s behaviour casts up and marries him anyway.
The story covers years of their relationship. Multiple moves back and forth across the United States – always for John’s career and to the detriment of Jane’s. The birth of their child. Jane publishes several books and seems to be increasingly successful in her profession but John continuously undermines this and due to childcare needs, Jane is never able to fully see her potential. John is financially irresponsible. He never cleans the house. He spends hours away – both travelling for work and out for leisure time – while Jane struggles with the needs of their infant. He’s disrespectful to her in multiple ways. Jane is reassured that at least he is faithful to her even as it becomes increasingly obvious that he is not. She fantasizes about their inevitable divorce once their child is grown.
I was furious as I read the novel and yet there was something compelling about it. My friend and I have had several conversations over the years about the way that women become the default parent, the ways we take on emotional labour that men are not always aware of. And although we both have excellent husbands who are true partners in matters of home and childcare, there is an inherent unevenness that exists in our society and is actually very difficult to avoid.
Pondering Liars days after I finished it, I realized it had stuck with me as an exaggeration of a real thing. The relationship that our narrator endures with her husband is truly awful to witness, both because it’s so over-the-top unfair and because it’s expressing something true. And in its very exaggeration, it draws attention to the truth it portrays. It’s waving a big red flag over modern marriages and saying, This is made-up but it’s true.
Karissa Reads Books 
This book sounds like the perfect antithesis to that other husband book. You read recently, the one in which the woman keeps getting new husbands so she can try out new ways of being a spouse. I think, even though this book is an exaggeration, that over time I would get really worn down by all the abuse. One marriage book that I find highly compelling is called The Dangerous Husband by Jane Shapiro. Throughout, it seems like the wife is suffering from domestic violence, but the whole book is actually about how clumsy the husband is and how guilty he looks. I haven’t read the book in about 20 years, and I used to love it. Now that I think about it, though, I’m wondering what the point is. It can be quite funny, so are we supposed to laugh at what is not really domestic violence? Now I’m having a mental crisis, LOL. Maybe I should read it again.
I hadn’t really thought of them together but I see what you mean. The Husbands was about a character trying to find a man to fit her life while in The Liars the main character is distorting herself to fit around one (awful) man. I wish John could have been sent up to the attic!
😂
Liars sounds dangerous even in the exaggeration, in that female readers might read recognise themselves and their relationships in the pages, and decide they want something different.
I’m not sure there can ever be an equal balance in a relationship, for example, one person loves the other more, one earns more money, one makes the hard decisions, one makes the social arrangements, or one takes care of the meals or the children or the million and one little details involved in running a home.
I don’t think total equality is possible or even necessarily desirable in a relationship. At best, you balance each other out and carry the load for one another. My husband and I try to fill in each other’s gaps. The infuriating thing in Liars is how clearly Jane makes her husband’s life easier while he adds almost nothing to hers.
Several of my friends who have kids have talked about that inherent inequality in society and how it still affects even good relationships, e.g. that schools will always call a mum before a dad if someone needs to be contacted during the work day, even if the child’s records explicitly say “please call dad first because mum is a surgeon/teacher/police officer” or similar. I think this book would frustrate me too much, but it does sound like an interesting read!
That is such a real thing and can be so frustrating! My own example is last year when a support staff member sent a note home with one of our girls, addressed specifically to me. Meanwhile, my husband works in the school building! I’ve had a couple of call homes where I’ve had to redirect and tell them to just get the girls’ dad to deal with it because he’s right there and I’m at my own job! I love the school and the staff but I think it’s almost just a reflex in our society to expect moms to be more available. I do love seeing the generational changes that are occurring though. Moms my age expect our partners to be involved in a way that few of our own fathers were.
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