Ben breaks hearts in Puerto Rico

“Reality is a multi-layered unity. I can perceive another person as an aggregation of atoms, an open biochemical system in interaction with the environment, a specimen of homo sapiens, an object of beauty, someone whose needs deserve my respect and compassion, a brother for whom Christ died. All are true and all mysteriously coinhere in that one person. To deny one of these levels is to diminish both that person and myself, the perceiver; to do less than justice to the richness of reality.” – John Polkinghorne

The above quote is originally from Polkinghorne’s book “One World” but I found it in Ravi Zacharias’ short book “The End of Reason”. (A great book to read if you’ve read “The End of Faith” by Sam Harris.) This quote struck me as not a bad one to keep in mind as I watch reality TV. These people are, after all, human. And whether or not they’re on The Bachelor for “the right reasons”, they are searching for something. This might sound weird, but I feel challenged to pray for them.

That said, I don’t have a problem being entertained by them either. So here are a few of my highlights/thoughts from this past episode.

• They travel to Vieques Island, Puerto Rico and for the first few minutes of introduction no one mentions that it’s the perfect place to fall in love. Wow.
• “This is an amazing place to fall in love.” Oh, there it is. Thanks, Emily
• Courtney is wearing a shirt that says “Be Nice”. Did someone give her that?
• They seem to be advertising the hotels a lot this season. We get a couple shots of the hotel’s name throughout the episode and Chris Harrison makes sure the ladies know it.
• Nicki gets the first one-on-one date and we find out that Emily speaks Spanish when she translates the date card. She gets points for that in my book, now if she would only let Ben see those talents rather than spending her time with him gossiping.
• Nicki is so happy to get to spend both an afternoon and an evening with Ben (those are her words, not mine) that it makes me sad. Spending a day with a guy you are dating is normal, Nicki! That would be something you’d do in an normal relationship! Do you know what that is?
• They leave in a helicopter (naturally) and fly over Old San Juan which does look really cool.
• It rains on their date which in Bachelor World constitutes a “real life problem”. I am by no means a dating expert, but if the biggest “problem” you run in to while you’re dating someone is rain, you are not prepared for the problems of marriage with that person. Also, you will not be able to have a successful dating relationship and live in Vancouver.
• Ben decides they should pick out “authentic Puerto Rican clothes”. Turns out, Ben thinks tourists are actually the most authentic Puerto Ricans.
• They stop and watch a wedding and it seems, based on Ben’s reaction to this, that he is not ready to get married. His reactions to the wedding seem really half-hearted while Nicki gets all choked up. Just because he can identify Pachelbel’s Canon doesn’t mean he’s ready for marriage.
• Nicki is 26. I’m 26. Our lives have followed different roads. Also, I thought she was older than that. Do I look like that at 26?
• Nicki gets the rose and thinks any woman would be grateful to have Ben as a husband. Grateful seems like an odd choice of words here. Also, if my husband were suddenly replaced by Ben I most definitely would NOT be grateful.

• The group date is kind of boring. They play baseball. The women are divided in 2 teams and only one team gets to continue the date. I did think it was funny that they arrived to the date on a bus. That didn’t seem sexy. The winning team gets to leave on a helicopter and the losing team gets back on the bus. Was I the only one who thought that was funny?
• Elyse has the second one-on-one. They spend the afternoon on a yacht, which I think is a legit cool date.
• Ben thinks water can change people’s feelings. That’s weird and makes no sense. What does he think the ocean is?
• Elyse has a Masters degree?
• Elyse comes on real strong here. She gave up her job and missed her best friend’s wedding to be on The Bachelor. I would be beyond pissed off if a good friend had missed my wedding to be on a reality TV show. Elyse seems to spend the whole date telling Ben how much she hates being single, how much she wants to get married, how ready she is to get engaged. She even suggests getting married right there on the boat. Ben laughs nervously. The thing is, she never once says anything about why she wants to be with Ben. Sure, you want to get married so badly, but doesn’t it matter to you who you marry?
• Ben does not give Elyse the rose. He tells her it’s because he’s gotten so much further with some of the other women and Elyse feels that isn’t fair to her. And based on Ben’s explanation, I would have to say she’s right. Except I don’t think that’s Ben’s real reason. I think he got freaked out by all her marriage talk and didn’t see where she was interested in him.
• Ben dramatically drops the rose in the waves. He did not have the rose when he walked Elyse to her dinghy so that means he had to go back to the table and get it and then do a dramatic walk and drop. Or (more likely) some assistant ran it over to him.
• Ben heads back to his room where Courtney is waiting for him in a bathrobe. He says he’s not sure how he feels about Courtney breaking the rules (is this really a rule? are the rules posted in the girls’ dorm?) but he invites her in, so I think that’s how he feels.
• They go skinny dipping and it’s clearly a pretty intimate moment (in a naked sort of way at least). Now in the next scene, Ben mentions that he feels “crappy” about doing that. I think he should. Obviously, these people have different ideas than I do about what’s acceptable in relationships but here he is blatantly disrespecting the other women. He must know this would upset them. If he wants to be with Courtney, be with Courtney, but don’t do something like that and then pretend to be giving them all a fair and equal chance. OK, I’ll get off my soap box, that just made me lose a lot of respect for this guy. And I didn’t have much to start with.
• Blakely and Ben seem like they never would have met in real life.
• What does Jennifer have on her feet? She is wearing a long, summery, sundress with (apparently) mary-janes and socks.
• Emily tells Ben she’s sorry that she gossiped about Courtney and that she wants to focus on him from now. Then she keeps talking about Courtney. Ben tells her straight up to drop it. At this point, I think she’s going home.
• Courtney, you don’t get a wish every time you blow out any old candle. (Imagine how magical the world would be if you did though? But you don’t. Candle wishes are for birthdays. That’s just science.)
• Surprisingly, Jennifer is the one who goes home tonight. I thought they had a good date in the last episode but I guess Ben felt that was the peak of the relationship. Jennifer seemed too normal and nice for him anyway.

So? What did you all think? Anybody else surprised Emily stayed and Jennifer left? Who loves Ben’s “authentic” sense of fashion?

If you’d like a healthier, more helpful view on relationships and marriage, check out the series Mars Hill church is doing on marriage right now. It’s called “Real Marriage” and I’ve been really enjoying listening to Mark Driscoll’s sermons.