Like many women, Joanne Gallant expected to get pregnant easily and never questioned her own fertility. Happily married and in her late twenties, Gallant and her husband Joey eagerly planned for the family they wanted. A paediatric nurse, Gallant knew more than many about health and well-being but was blindsided when her first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. It was then that she was diagnosed with a congenital defect, a bicornuate uterus, also known as a heart-shaped uterus. Instead of the normal, more pear-like shape, a bicornuate uterus has two distinct horns. It can lead to miscarriages, pre-term labour, premature births, breech babies (meaning a c-sectin will be necessary), and some studies suggest babies born to mothers with a bicornuate uterus are 4 times more likely to be born with congenital defects of their own. Approximately 4 in 1,000 women have a bicornuate uterus and many will receive this diagnosis at the same moment that they are learning their pregnancy has failed.
In heartbreakingly honest detail, Gallant shares her journey into motherhood. She experiences multiple miscarriages, one after the other. When she becomes pregnant with her son Teddy, the pregnancy is still full of difficulty. While in utero, Teddy is diagnosed with hydronephrosis and seen to have some markers of serious disability. Gallant’s water breaks at 30 weeks pregnant and Teddy is born, via c-section, prematurely. He spends weeks in the Neonatal ICU (NICU), struggling for life.
After I heard about this book on a CBC Books list, I looked around for reviews. I came across one (written by a man) that questioned who this memoir was for. What was Gallant’s purpose in writing about her experience? Was it simply to continue to break down the silence and shame that still surrounds the topic of miscarriage? I thought of this review as I read A Womb in the Shape of a Heart and when I thought of that question, Who is this book for? my answer came back crystal clear: Me! Me! Me! This book is for me!
My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 7 weeks. When I went in for an ultrasound to confirm the loss, the doctor (not my doctor, thankfully) asked me if I was sure I had been pregnant and then casually mentioned that I looked like I might have a bicornuate uterus. There had been no previous indications of this defect I’d carried within me from birth but the shape of my uterus would shape the next years of my life as we navigated having children. This is the first book I’ve read that details an experience like mine. Gallant so perfectly captures the gut-wrenching knowledge that your body has betrayed you, that it has been hiding this secret from you for nearly 30 years. Yes, this is the privilege of the able-bodied, to assume that getting pregnant will be as simple as deciding to get pregnant, but it can be no less heart-breaking.
Gallant’s stories of countless blood tests, the indignity of transvaginal ultrasounds, the fumbling responses of those around you, the frustration and anger that has no outlet, all these were so familiar. Our family had our own experience with prenatal diagnoses and the NICU though nothing as extended as Gallant’s. Mostly it is the emotions that Gallant captures that were so familiar to me. I’ve been sitting on this review for a few weeks because I wanted to write a less personal, emotional review but I don’t think I can.
I want to keep using the word heartbreaking because it seems the most apt. After Teddy is born and is a healthy and growing toddler, Gallant and her husband want to try for another child. At the same time, they have a greater understanding of how lucky they are to have even the child they do. There is the guilt that they aren’t “satisfied” with their one healthy son. There is the heightened joy Gallant feels over every milestone that Teddy successfully reaches, coupled with the constant remembrance of the children that did not arrive. There is the worst fear that she holds deeply and quietly – that somehow God or fate has deemed her unworthy of motherhood. And Gallant describes the physical aspects of a miscarriage in a way that I’ve never read before. Postnatal hair loss is well-documented but did you know it happens after a miscarriage too? Or that low iron levels can lead to a mouthful of painful ulcers?
These babies are figments of my imagination, dates on a calendar that go unnoticed by anyone except me. They are stories I tell and scars I wear. They are me. An invisible, unbearable, significant part of me.Joanne Gallant, A Womb in the Shape of a Heart (page 206)
In recent years I have been encouraged to see miscarriage spoken of more openly. From celebrities sharing stories of their own pregnancy losses to average women feeling braver and safer to share with those close to them, I am hopeful that we as a society are slowly moving away from the stigma of silence that too often exists around miscarriage. I am endlessly appreciative of women like Gallant who willingly bear their most personal griefs and stories. Gallant’s story may be 4 in 1000 but I think her experience will speak to any woman who has had a miscarriage. And that story belongs to 1 in 4 women.
(I feel compelled to add a little extra note: When I was first diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus, I couldn’t keep away from google. I desperately wanted to find stories of other women like me. I desperately wanted to read “success” stories. When your first pregnancy ends in miscarriage it steals some of the joy and hope from every subsequent pregnancy and it is very hard to get that back. If you have somehow stumbled across this review as a result of similar googling, I want to tell you that, yes, there are a lot of success stories and I am fortunate enough to be one of them. If you happen to want to talk to a real person who has been through this, please feel free to e-mail me at karissareadsbooks[at]gmail[dot]com.)
15 thoughts on “Book Review: A Womb in the Shape of a Heart by Joanne Gallant”
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading!
It is so important to be able to talk openly about miscarriages and fertility. Glad this book exists.
Me too. It’s good to see these conversations opening up more and more.
Now I’m wondering why a man read and reviewed Gallant’s book, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I do not know much about how men fit into the conversation around miscarriage. I’m glad support exists for women, and I’ll see people like John Legend there for his wife. But what are the effects on men in miscarriage? Even in the author’s quote above, she emphasizes that she’s alone, no one knows, etc.
It was a review for some magazine or something so I got the sense the book had been assigned to the reviewer but it was obviously a poor fit.
Men are still definitely left out of the conversation on miscarriage. Gallant does talk a bit about her husband and how it all affected him but she also acknowledges it that he has his own story and it isn’t her task to tell that for him. I do think miscarriage can be devastating for men. At the same time, a woman who has a miscarriage in the first trimester has already felt the physical impacts of pregnancy while her partner’s life hasn’t really been changed by that pregnancy yet. For many men, it seems like the idea of becoming a father doesn’t quite seem real until they see an ultrasound or feel the baby move so the same emotional attachment might not be there. I think it would be great to hear more men talking about their experiences with pregnancy loss and I think there’s still a bit of stigma around it.
There’s certainly a huge difference in how miscarriage is talked about now than there was when I was young, so some progress has been made. I’m glad you found this book spoke to you, and hope it and others like it will give some comfort to women going through the same difficult journey.
That’s a good point. I think we are moving away from the sense of guilt and shame that surrounded it for so long, the idea of the woman having “done” something that caused it, as we learn more about how common an experience it is.
Really glad that you felt this book spoke to you, and I agree that there seems to be a helpful shift in the way people speak about miscarriage – I know several of my friends have had ectopic pregnancies or miscarriages, and I doubt that they would have felt so able to talk about it a few years ago.
I’m so glad this book gave you comfort, and hopefully can you pass your success story onto someone else who needs to hear it too 🙂
I have to agree with a few of the other commenters – not sure why a man would read it but whatever. There is so clearly an audience for this kind of book (myself included, I’ve also had a miscarriage of sorts, blighted ovum) so I understand a little bit of what people go through in these cases, but the more books, the better!!!
Thank you. It’s such a common experience that I’m glad we as a society are creating more space to share our stories.
As for as the review went, I got the feeling this man had been asked to review it but I can’t recall now where I found the review. On the one hand, he’s clearly not the target audience and a woman probably would have been a better reviewer choice. On the other hand, I think reading books like this could be really helpful for men who are partners to women who experience miscarriages as it provides a good insight into all the physical and emotional tumult many women go through.
yes, that’s a good point – it’s good for men to read about the experiences and understand them
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